First Day of School Tomorrow!

Please excuse my 1 month hiatus.  Here's a quick recap of what has happened since July 7th - August 7th:

• I flew home to LA
• In 40 hours in LA: I hugged the kitties, walked the dog, ate tamales, watched tv, had a lovely bbq with friends, made a last stop to the karaoke dive bar, and packed my car 
• I drove from LA to Memphis, which is 28 hours of drive time.  It took me only 48 hours total time.  Spent the night in Flagstaff and Amarillo.
• I went through teacher training at my school
• I went through teacher training with TFA

And now the first day of school is here.  And I don't have a classroom yet.  Our first day of school is going to be held in the auditorium all day.  Hopefully construction will finish on our classrooms soon - maybe even tomorrow.

Despite the chaos and having a million things still to do, I'm oddly at peace with it all right now.  I think that may change soon.  But right now I feel like I've done as much as I can in the time given with the resources available to me and it's time to play ball.  Hopefully I don't strike out.



      

The End of Institute!!!

In case the three exclamation points don't convey the sentiment - I am excited to get out of Atlanta.  It's not that Institute was even all that bad.  The past 5 weeks (has it really been 5 weeks?!  has it only been 5 weeks?!) have been challenging in the best of ways.  I've had to push myself harder in many ways than I ever have before to learn the basics of the art of teaching.

I'll admit, I thought teaching was basically presenting material.  I thought that since I'm comfortable with public speaking that I'd be a decent teacher.  I didn't realize that the presentation of new material is just one small slice of the teaching job.  In many ways it's much more like coaching than public speaking.  I've learned that one of the most important parts of the lesson is letting the kids practice the skills you're trying to teach, and that my role during that time is more about coaching and correcting them along the way.

Tonight was Atlanta Institute closing ceremonies and it turns out that teaching has not only challenged me, but has also turned me into a hot emotional mess.  Seriously, everything makes me want to tear up.

Seeing an auditorium full of fellow teachers/corps members - choked up.  Hearing stories about teachers and students - choked up.  Seeing people I've worked closely with being applauded for their successes this summer - choked up.  Really, anything sets me off right now.  

In all likelihood, my 36 hour stint in LA this weekend is just going to turn into a big tear fest. 

Waiting for Superman

I've been carrying around a dirty little secret.  Until last night, I had not seen the documentary "Waiting for Superman."  I've been too ashamed to admit this to any of my fellow teachers.  It's as if that film is our education movement's manifesto.  It'd be like going to church and admitting that, while you actually believe in Jesus Christ and have signed up to eat his body and drink his blood in communion, you have never actually read the bible.  While it may not make you any less of a believer, it's just frowned upon. 

So I took the opportunity to catch myself up with the rest of the TFA world and watched "Waiting for Superman" on my laptop in my dorm room on Saturday night.  Meh.  It didn't rock my world.  Perhaps because all of the revelations made in the documentary have been given to me in large and small doses over the course of the last 6 weeks of training?  I've learned about the achievement gap, I've learned about tracking in public schools, I've learned about how bad a bad teacher can be, I've learned about the impact of a good teacher, I've learned about how high the stakes are to make big changes in public education in our country.  I am wonder to what extent the fact that all of the content of the documentary has been the subject of my daily training lessened the impact of the film for me.  I'm encouraging friends and family to watch it and let me know what they think.  At the very least, it will give you an idea of what I'm doing with my life these days.

I did find the film to be very anti-teacher unions, which I actually don't yet have a strong opinion on yet.  I do agree that public school teacher's tenure is ridiculous and am glad to say that in Memphis they're attempting to make significant changes to when and how teachers get tenure.

Despite not being blown away by the film, it did sit heavily with me in a mostly motivating way.  There are so many kids out there who want and deserve a better education and I am now responsible for giving it to them.  At moments during the past 3 weeks of teaching, the weight of this responsibility has been almost crippling.  I wonder how one person, especially me, can make a significant enough impact on a life in such a short time.  TFA keeps telling us that incremental change is not enough.  We need to be making transformational change in the lives of our students.  At times, I've thought that I'm probably not the best person for this job and I'm not the best person for these kids and maybe I shouldn't be  here.  Watching the film reminded me of the responsibility I have, but also motivated me to want to work harder to become the right person for the job. 

The weekend ahead...filled with emptiness

Well, it's 5:45pm on Friday night and I have no plans for the entire 4th of July weekend.  I'm feeling pretty bummed out about it.  I know I should be relishing in the relaxation, but right now I just feel drained and lonely.

Teaching today didn't go so well.  I couldn't keep my students on task.  They didn't take my directions seriously and one of them called me out by saying "it seems like you're getting annoyed."  I really need to work on my behavior management skills.  If I'm struggling at all with a class of 7 now (with 2 other adults the room), how will it be when I have a class of 25 all on my own?  I know I'm not strict enough with them.  I ask for things too nicely.  I hate to be so demanding, but I guess I need to work on getting myself in the mindset that I am the one who knows best and they MUST listen to me 100% of the time.  It's hard since I'm generally much more laid back than that - but I can see how things can quickly spiral out of control if I don't manage correctly.

If I could turn back time...

So, I haven't blogged in ages.  Here's are all of the things I wanted to blog about but haven't had time to do so:

• Wednesday, June 22 - HUMP DAY!!!  I can hardly believe it - I'm half way through institute.  (Seriously, this was a major milestone).  Just like on a rollercoaster, I have a feeling the downhill portion of institute is going to go by super fast.  (It has been).
• I can't believe how much I actually love my students.  It was an instant love, too.  Knowing that they were my students made me just automatically love them before I even got to  know them.  Is this what it's like to be a parent?  (Note that kids at my school who are not my students frequently bug the crap out me...so I know I'm not completely crazy yet).
• One of my students came to school last week with a huge tattoo on his neck.  My heart sunk.  Of all places.  Does he realize the impact this is going to have on the doors that open/close for him for the rest of his life?  The sentiment of the tattoo is sweet - it says "in loving memory of - " his deceased baby brother's name, who apparently was born with a birth defect.  The sentiment is real sweet.  Put it on a tattoo on your forearm with all of your other tattoos, please - I wish I could've said to him the day before he got the tattoo.  And who is giving 8th grade students tattoos on their neck?
• This same student has been one of our most stellar students since getting the tattoo.  I don't know if the timing is related in some manner...but he's been focused and trying every single day in class.
• Monday, June 27 - today was my last day of lead teaching a full lesson!  OMG!  What will my life be like without the constant stress of lesson planning?
• Tuesday, June 28 - Today was my last day of lead teaching.  I taught a 45-minute lesson that went absolutely amazing.  Really, what am I going to do with all of my free time?
• Wednesday, June 29 - Today I felt really old.  I was talking with my co-teachers about 9-11.  They were saying how our students (14yearolds) barely remember it happening since they were so young at the time.  But they (my co-workers) remember exactly where they were when it happened - "in 7th grade math class".  WTF.  My co-workers were in  7th grade on 9-11.  I was graduated from college and years into my career.  I feel so old.
• Thursday, June 30 - Today was a good day.  Although I haven't had just hours upon hours of free time, I am a lot less stressed.  And I went to bed at 11pm last night - the earliest bedtime I've had since arriving here - and woke up with an incredible amount of energy, which I'm sure contributed to my great day today. Unfortunately, it's now pushing 1pm so there won't be a repeat.  Today I went to the gym for the first time in a week and a half.  Today at the cafeteria it was "Everybody's birthday" themed with streamers and signs and birthday cake!  Yay!  Today at 9pm there was a 30 minute dance party in the courtyard.  Today I called all of my student's parents and got to have nice conversations with some of them.  Today was a good day.

Happy TFA Day!

Today at our first afternoon session our school director sat us all down and started giving us a lecture. She told us that there has been some inappropriate things happening and that needed to be addressed. Then she called out the staff (our beloved advisors) on specific things that had been reported about their behavior. The tension in the room was thick... and then- Surprise, just kidding it's Totally Free Afternoon Day!

We got the afternoon off! It's embarrassing how much we all freaked out when hearing this news. Instead of sitting through a few hours of professional development classes the buses took us back to campus where we were greeted by staff with lists of fun free activities for us to do. Having three extra hours is like winning the lottery. It changed my life.

I spent my TFA day napping. After 3 hours of sleep last night I needed it. I just woke up from my hour nap and feel amazing. Ready to crank out another lesson plan.

TFA Day = Totally Fucking Awesome Day.

Week One of Teaching: I Survived

...but my computer didn't.  Thursday morning, in the middle of my final lesson for the week - the screen starts turns black and all of these numbers and letters run across it.  I turn the computer off and it won't reboot windows.  After 2 1/2 hours on the phone with HP tech support, they tell me they're sending me a new hard drive.  Thankfully, I am not lead teaching again until next Thursday.  Hopefully I will have my computer back up and running by then.  I really think it sucks that my 1 month old computer would give up on me like that.  I thought we were a team - late night lesson planning, presenting powerpoint in class.  I basically took my laptop everywhere for the last week and apparently it didn't appreciate it. 

After the first day of teaching, the week got progressively worse.  The students became less and less interested in what we were teaching, my plans became less and less rehearsed as I was throwing them together at the last minute and I was becoming more and more tired with less sleep each night (starting with a maximum of 5 hours of sleep and reaching a minimum of 3 hours of sleep).    

 

Other highlights from the week include-    

• A student slept through most of my entire lesson on Wednesday
• I cried twice in front of others (not my students) - once over feeling hopeless about my ability to help a student who is really struggling and a second time during a session where the 8 people I work most closely with were all sharing their life stories.
• I lost my lunch bag (so now I bring my lunch in a plastic target bag)
• One of my students might have a crush on me, as he called me at 10:30pm Saturday night
• I made parent phone calls and got to tell 3 mothers how much I enjoyed having their child in my class
• Out of seven students, only four showed up one day
• One girl told us she's already getting sick of us and to stop treating her like a kindergartner

But perhaps the biggest highlight from my week:

One of my students is extremely shy.  I'll call him Griff (though this is not his real name).  Griff hasn't hit his growth spurt yet so he is smaller than all the other students in the class.  He is also a slower reader.  When he talks in class, it's mostly mumbling that is hard to understand what he's saying even when you're standing right next to him.  On the first day of class he wouldn't even look me in the eye.  Over the week we saw him come out of his shell a bit and start participating more in class, even smiling and having fun.  But when he gets the wrong answer on anything, he shuts down again and won't look at you or talk to you. 

On Friday, he was sitting in the cafeteria at a table by himself, so I went over and started talking to him.  He wouldn't look at me - just responded quietly facing the other direction.  I asked him why he was late for school.  He told me he missed the bus.  I told him I was glad he came, even if he was late.  I asked him about getting me his parent contact information.  At this point another student, Tor (another made up name) from our class came and sat down next to him.  I said to Griff, "I want you to give me your phone number so I can call your mom and dad and tell them how much I like having you in class - just like I got to call Tor's mom last night and tell her how much I like having him in class."

Griff looked at Tor like he couldn't believe I really called his mom and said that, but Tor nodded and told him that I did.  A little smile of shock showed up on Griff's face.  He still wouldn't look at me, but he nodded when I asked him to get me his mom's number.

When the kids came back from lunch, Griff shoved a crumpled up piece of paper in my hand as he passed through the doorway.  It looked like garbage.  I followed him into the classroom, saying "What's this?  Did you just give me your garbage?!"  Griff wouldn't look at me, he just kept walking.

I opened up the crumpled piece of paper and he had written down his telephone number for me.