The End of Institute!!!

In case the three exclamation points don't convey the sentiment - I am excited to get out of Atlanta.  It's not that Institute was even all that bad.  The past 5 weeks (has it really been 5 weeks?!  has it only been 5 weeks?!) have been challenging in the best of ways.  I've had to push myself harder in many ways than I ever have before to learn the basics of the art of teaching.

I'll admit, I thought teaching was basically presenting material.  I thought that since I'm comfortable with public speaking that I'd be a decent teacher.  I didn't realize that the presentation of new material is just one small slice of the teaching job.  In many ways it's much more like coaching than public speaking.  I've learned that one of the most important parts of the lesson is letting the kids practice the skills you're trying to teach, and that my role during that time is more about coaching and correcting them along the way.

Tonight was Atlanta Institute closing ceremonies and it turns out that teaching has not only challenged me, but has also turned me into a hot emotional mess.  Seriously, everything makes me want to tear up.

Seeing an auditorium full of fellow teachers/corps members - choked up.  Hearing stories about teachers and students - choked up.  Seeing people I've worked closely with being applauded for their successes this summer - choked up.  Really, anything sets me off right now.  

In all likelihood, my 36 hour stint in LA this weekend is just going to turn into a big tear fest. 

Waiting for Superman

I've been carrying around a dirty little secret.  Until last night, I had not seen the documentary "Waiting for Superman."  I've been too ashamed to admit this to any of my fellow teachers.  It's as if that film is our education movement's manifesto.  It'd be like going to church and admitting that, while you actually believe in Jesus Christ and have signed up to eat his body and drink his blood in communion, you have never actually read the bible.  While it may not make you any less of a believer, it's just frowned upon. 

So I took the opportunity to catch myself up with the rest of the TFA world and watched "Waiting for Superman" on my laptop in my dorm room on Saturday night.  Meh.  It didn't rock my world.  Perhaps because all of the revelations made in the documentary have been given to me in large and small doses over the course of the last 6 weeks of training?  I've learned about the achievement gap, I've learned about tracking in public schools, I've learned about how bad a bad teacher can be, I've learned about the impact of a good teacher, I've learned about how high the stakes are to make big changes in public education in our country.  I am wonder to what extent the fact that all of the content of the documentary has been the subject of my daily training lessened the impact of the film for me.  I'm encouraging friends and family to watch it and let me know what they think.  At the very least, it will give you an idea of what I'm doing with my life these days.

I did find the film to be very anti-teacher unions, which I actually don't yet have a strong opinion on yet.  I do agree that public school teacher's tenure is ridiculous and am glad to say that in Memphis they're attempting to make significant changes to when and how teachers get tenure.

Despite not being blown away by the film, it did sit heavily with me in a mostly motivating way.  There are so many kids out there who want and deserve a better education and I am now responsible for giving it to them.  At moments during the past 3 weeks of teaching, the weight of this responsibility has been almost crippling.  I wonder how one person, especially me, can make a significant enough impact on a life in such a short time.  TFA keeps telling us that incremental change is not enough.  We need to be making transformational change in the lives of our students.  At times, I've thought that I'm probably not the best person for this job and I'm not the best person for these kids and maybe I shouldn't be  here.  Watching the film reminded me of the responsibility I have, but also motivated me to want to work harder to become the right person for the job. 

The weekend ahead...filled with emptiness

Well, it's 5:45pm on Friday night and I have no plans for the entire 4th of July weekend.  I'm feeling pretty bummed out about it.  I know I should be relishing in the relaxation, but right now I just feel drained and lonely.

Teaching today didn't go so well.  I couldn't keep my students on task.  They didn't take my directions seriously and one of them called me out by saying "it seems like you're getting annoyed."  I really need to work on my behavior management skills.  If I'm struggling at all with a class of 7 now (with 2 other adults the room), how will it be when I have a class of 25 all on my own?  I know I'm not strict enough with them.  I ask for things too nicely.  I hate to be so demanding, but I guess I need to work on getting myself in the mindset that I am the one who knows best and they MUST listen to me 100% of the time.  It's hard since I'm generally much more laid back than that - but I can see how things can quickly spiral out of control if I don't manage correctly.